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Frog Jokes

Froggy Silliness


  MUTTS by Patrick McDonnell


Froggy Funnies


Q. How many frogs would fit in your glass of water?
A. Toadily too many.

Q. Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
A. It jumped to the wrong conclusions.

Q. On what planet would a space frog live?
A. Plutoad.

Q. What do frogs play at recess?
A. Jumping jacks and leapfrog.

Q. What do you get if you cross a frog and a french fry?
A. A Potatoad.

Q. What is a frog's favorite snack?
A. Cheese and croakers.

Q. What do you call a young punk frog?
A. A radpole



Q. Why are frogs good at baseball?
A. Because they catch a lot of fly balls.

Q. What is a frog's favorite cheer?
A. Hop-hop-hooray!

Q. Why couldn't the snake talk?
A. He had a frog in his throat.

Q. What is a snake's favorite weather?
A. Cool and froggy.

Q. What do frog's say after telling a joke?
A. Git-it git-it!


Frog Funnies originally published in Ranger Rick magazine.


How Deep

Q.  How deep is a frog pond.

A.  Kneedeep, kneedeep.


Sent in by Ian Boys BOYS2@bigpond.com
of Hoppers Crossing, Victoria, Australia.


The Frog King

There once was a frog King, who was king to thousands of frogs and they all lived in a huge grass hut, believe it or not! Now this Kings minions loved him dearly, and they would do anything for him so he didn't need any slaves. This king had a hobby of collecting Thrones. He had hundreds of them, and he stored them all in the attic of the huge grass hut they all lived in. Every time he got a new throne that he liked better than the one he was sitting on, he would store it in attic along with the rest of his collection. Presently, he was sitting on a very large and ornate, Gold throne. This throne was very heavy and was also very cold and hard to sit on, so the King was hoping to add to his collection soon. Then, his best friend from a neighboring kingdom, CROAKED! and left his throne to him in his will. After waiting an appropriate mourning period, the King sent some of his runners to pick up the throne. They soon returned with a beautifully carved, jewel encrusted teakwood throne which also had a padded leather seat cushion. WOW! He fell in love with it right away, and soon his people were trying to move the heavy old gold throne up to the attic with the rest of the collection. Well, it took hundreds of his people to push and pull this very heavy gold throne to the attic of this grass hut. As soon as they reached the top of the stairs the weight of the gold throne plus the rest of the stored collection was too much for the GRASS HUT and it collapsed, killing THE FROG KING and all his PEOPLE!...............

The moral of this story...


Many thanks to
 Bob and Linda @  lindeanfrog@aol.com
 for this joke.


Frog Confusion

How do you confuse a frog?
Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.


How does a frog confuse you?
 When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better!


Sent to us by D. Steven Bradstreet


The Chicken and the books

Once there was a Chicken that went into a library and said: "Book Book" and then the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then the Chicken returned again and said: "Book Book" and then the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then the Chicken returned AGAIN and the Librarian thought "After I give this Chicken some books, I'm going to see where he's going" And the Librarian gave the Chicken some books and followed where he was going. The Chicken was giving the books to a Frog and the Frog was saying "Red-it Red-it"!


Sent to us by Kaitlyn Cornett.


Frog Walk

The worst frog joke ever!! But it is still funny!!

A frog walked into a bar...

Wait a minute a frog can't walk so...  a frog hopped into a bar...



By Karin and Sarah


The Psychic Frog Line

One day this frog was bored, so he decided to call the psychic hotline.
The psychic asked the frog "what do you want to know"
"Tell me something about my love life" said the frog.
"In the very near future you are going to meet a very beautiful young woman" said the psychic.
"Cool, where? at a disco or a party?" said the frog.
The psychic replied,


"Next month in her biology class!"


Thanks to Ralph B. for this joke.


Frog Clone

There was a scientist who was successful at cloning frogs, and he cloned one who could talk, but the frogs speech turned to swearing. The scientist couldn't stop the frog from swearing. He tried everything he could think of. Then one day he clacked two spoons together and the frog jumped off the table and "croaked". The FROG POLICE arrived shortly after and arrested the scientist

 for .... making " an obscene clone fall"



Thanks to Bob & Linda lindeanfrog@aol.com for giving us this joke.


Smart Frog

One day a baby Frog was talking to his mother.

Baby Frog: "Mama, who is smarter a Chicken or a Frog?"
Mother Frog: "Why baby, We are of course!"
Baby Frog: "How do you know Mama"
Mother Frog: "Well, who ever heard of Kentucky Fried Frog!"


Robinson Crusoe

There were two Frogs sitting on Robinson Crusoe's back.
One Frog said to the other:

 "I have to go now but lets meet again on Friday!"


Kermit Jagger

A frog goes into a bank and walks up to the window. He can see from the tellerís nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a yacht and go on a cruise." Ms. Whack asks how much money he wants to borrow. The frog says around $55,000. Ms. Whack asks the frog his name and he replies "Kermit Jagger, it shouldnít be a problem, I know the branch manager." Ms. Whack explains that $55,000 is a large sum of money and that he will need to put up something as collateral against the loan. She asks "do you have anything as collateral?" Kermit says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a small pewter cricket, about an inch tall. Stunned, Ms. Whack explains that she'll have to speak with the branch manager and walks into an office at the front of the bank. She finds the branch manager and says: "There's a frog by the named of Kermit Jagger out there who says he knows you and wants to borrow $55,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the small pewter cricket. "Like, what is this thing suppose to be?" So the branch manager looks back at her and says:




You're warned!


"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


Doctor's Office

One day a man walks into a doctor's office with a frog on his head.

The doctor in amazement jumps up and says:
"Good grief, how on earth did you get that great ugly thing!"

The frog looks down and replies:
"I dunno Doc, it started out as a little wart on my bottom!"


Bar Tricks

A drunk was sitting in a bar, and says, "Bartender! Give me another  drink."

The bartender shakes his head and says, "No youíre already drunk."

"Well," the drunk says. "How about if I show you something really neat? Then, will you give me another drink?"

"Ok," the bartender says. "It will have to be spectacular."

The drunk takes a small saxophone and a frog out of his pockets and sets them on the bar. The frog picks up the saxophone and starts playing a jazzy song. The bartender says that is worth a drink. The drunk guzzles it down, and asks for another drink.

"You canít have another one," the bartender says. "You've had to many already."

 "If you let me have another drink I'll show you more spectacular than the frog," says the drunk. The bartender laughs at the drunk but he agrees to give him just one more drink. The drunk pulls out a hamster and puts it up on the bar beside the frog. The frog begins to play the saxophone again, and the hamster begins to sing to the music. The bartender laughs, and sits another drink on the bar.

Another guy who was seated next to the drunk watching the show, says to him, "You've got an amazing team there. I'll give you $1,000,000 for them right now."

 "They are not for sale," the drunk says.

 "Ok, $1,000,000 just for the frog."

 "Heís not for sale."

 "Ok, $1,000,000 just for the hamster."

The drunk says ok, so the guy gives the drunk the money and walks out of the bar.

 The bartender, shocked and confused asks the drunk, "Why did you sell the hamster? You broke up an amazing team!"

 "No I didnít," the drunk says. "You see, the frog's a ventriloquist.


The Cute Princess

There once was a really cute princess who was walking through the woods. All of a sudden she heard a voice calling,  "Hey Really Cute Princess!"

She looked around and didn't see anyone or anything but a frog sitting on a big rock. She started to carry on her way but the frog called again. "Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow next to you, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!"

It had been a very long and boring day so she decided to pick up the frog and give it a try though she really didn't believe the frog at all.

The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow beside her. When she woke up the next day what do you think she found? There on her pillow beside her sat a really Handsome Prince.

Do you believe this story?

No! Neither did her mother!


The Talking Frog

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."



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