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Frog
Funnies originally published in Ranger Rick magazine.
Q.
How deep is a frog pond.
A.
Kneedeep, kneedeep.
Sent
in by Ian Boys BOYS2@bigpond.com
of Hoppers Crossing, Victoria, Australia.
There
once was a frog King, who was king to thousands of frogs and they
all lived in a huge grass hut, believe it or not! Now this Kings
minions loved him dearly, and they would do anything for him so he
didn't need any slaves. This king had a hobby of collecting Thrones.
He had hundreds of them, and he stored them all in the attic of the
huge grass hut they all lived in. Every time he got a new throne
that he liked better than the one he was sitting on, he would store
it in attic along with the rest of his collection. Presently, he was
sitting on a very large and ornate, Gold throne. This throne was
very heavy and was also very cold and hard to sit on, so the King
was hoping to add to his collection soon. Then, his best friend from
a neighboring kingdom, CROAKED! and left his throne to him in his
will. After waiting an appropriate mourning period, the King sent
some of his runners to pick up the throne. They soon returned with a
beautifully carved, jewel encrusted teakwood throne which also had a
padded leather seat cushion. WOW! He fell in love with it right
away, and soon his people were trying to move the heavy old gold
throne up to the attic with the rest of the collection. Well, it
took hundreds of his people to push and pull this very heavy gold
throne to the attic of this grass hut. As soon as they reached the
top of the stairs the weight of the gold throne plus the rest of the
stored collection was too much for the GRASS HUT and it collapsed,
killing THE FROG KING and all his PEOPLE!...............
The
moral of this story...
PEOPLE
WHO LIVE IN GRASS HOUSES, SHOULDN'T STOWE THRONES
Many
thanks to
Bob and Linda @ lindeanfrog@aol.com
for this joke.
How
do you confuse a frog?
Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
How
does a frog confuse you?
When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much
better!
Sent
to us by D. Steven Bradstreet
Once
there was a Chicken that went into a library and said: "Book
Book" and then the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then
the Chicken returned again and said: "Book Book" and then
the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then the Chicken returned
AGAIN and the Librarian thought "After I give this Chicken some
books, I'm going to see where he's going" And the Librarian
gave the Chicken some books and followed where he was going. The
Chicken was giving the books to a Frog and the Frog was saying
"Red-it Red-it"!
Sent
to us by Kaitlyn Cornett.
The
worst frog joke ever!! But it is still funny!!
A
frog walked into a bar...
Wait
a minute a frog can't walk so... a frog hopped into a bar...
OUCH!!!!!
By
Karin and Sarah
One
day this frog was bored, so he decided to call the psychic hotline.
The psychic asked the frog "what do you want to know"
"Tell me something about my love life" said the frog.
"In the very near future you are going to meet a very beautiful
young woman" said the psychic.
"Cool, where? at a disco or a party?" said the frog.
"No"
The psychic replied,
"Next
month in her biology class!"
Thanks
to Ralph B.
for this joke.
There
was a scientist who was successful at cloning frogs, and he cloned
one who could talk, but the frogs speech turned to swearing. The
scientist couldn't stop the frog from swearing. He tried everything
he could think of. Then one day he clacked two spoons together and
the frog jumped off the table and "croaked". The FROG
POLICE arrived shortly after and arrested the scientist
for
.... making " an obscene clone fall"
GOTCHA!
Thanks
to Bob & Linda lindeanfrog@aol.com
for giving us this joke.
One
day a baby Frog was talking to his mother.
Baby
Frog: "Mama, who is smarter a Chicken or a Frog?"
Mother Frog: "Why baby, We are of course!"
Baby Frog: "How do you know Mama"
Mother Frog: "Well, who ever heard of Kentucky Fried
Frog!"
There
were two Frogs sitting on Robinson Crusoe's back.
One Frog said to the other:
"I
have to go now but lets meet again on Friday!"
A
frog goes into a
bank and walks up to the window. He can see from the teller’s
nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says,
"Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a yacht and go on a
cruise." Ms. Whack asks how much money he wants to borrow. The
frog says around $55,000. Ms. Whack asks the frog his name and he
replies "Kermit Jagger, it shouldn’t be a problem, I know the
branch manager." Ms. Whack explains that $55,000 is a large sum
of money and that he will need to put up something as collateral
against the loan. She asks "do you have anything as
collateral?" Kermit says, "Sure, I have this," and
produces a small pewter cricket, about an inch tall. Stunned, Ms.
Whack explains that she'll have to speak with the branch manager and
walks into an office at the front of the bank. She finds the branch
manager and says: "There's a frog by the named of Kermit Jagger
out there who says he knows you and wants to borrow $55,000. He
wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the small pewter
cricket. "Like, what is this thing suppose to be?" So the
branch manager looks back at her and says:
ARE you READY?
You're warned!
"It's
a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a
Rolling Stone."
One
day a man walks into a doctor's office with a frog on his head.
The
doctor in amazement jumps up and says:
"Good grief, how on earth did you get that great ugly
thing!"
The
frog looks down and replies:
"I dunno Doc, it started out as a little wart on my
bottom!"
A
drunk was sitting
in a bar, and says, "Bartender! Give me another
drink."
The
bartender shakes his head and says, "No you’re already
drunk."
"Well,"
the drunk says. "How about if I show you something really neat?
Then, will you give me another drink?"
"Ok,"
the bartender says. "It will have to be spectacular."
The
drunk takes a small saxophone and a frog out of his pockets and sets
them on the bar. The frog picks up the saxophone and starts playing
a jazzy song. The bartender says that is worth a drink. The drunk
guzzles it down, and asks for another drink.
"You
can’t have another one," the bartender says. "You've had
to many already."
"If
you let me have another drink I'll show you more spectacular than
the frog," says the drunk. The bartender laughs at the drunk
but he agrees to give him just one more drink. The drunk pulls out a
hamster and puts it up on the bar beside the frog. The frog begins
to play the saxophone again, and the hamster begins to sing to the
music. The bartender laughs, and sits another drink on the bar.
Another
guy who was seated next to the drunk watching the show, says to him,
"You've got an amazing team there. I'll give you $1,000,000 for
them right now."
"They
are not for sale," the drunk says.
"Ok, $1,000,000 just for the
frog."
"He’s not for sale."
"Ok, $1,000,000 just for the
hamster."
The
drunk says ok, so the guy gives the drunk the money and walks out of
the bar.
The bartender, shocked and confused asks the
drunk, "Why did you sell the hamster? You broke up an amazing
team!"
"No I didn’t," the drunk says.
"You see, the frog's a ventriloquist.
There
once was a really cute princess who was walking through the woods.
All of a sudden she heard a voice calling, "Hey Really
Cute Princess!"
She
looked around and didn't see anyone or anything but a frog sitting
on a big rock. She started to carry on her way but the frog called
again. "Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let
me sleep on your pillow next to you, I will turn back into a
Handsome Prince!"
It
had been a very long and boring day so she decided to pick up the
frog and give it a try though she really didn't believe the frog at
all.
The
Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep
on her pillow beside her. When she woke up the next day what do you
think she found? There on her pillow beside her sat a really
Handsome Prince.
Do
you believe this story?
No!
Neither did her mother!
A
man was crossing
a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you
kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He
bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The
frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave
you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of
his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire
week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it,
and returned it to his pocket.
The
frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you
want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put
it back into his pocket.
Finally,
the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The
man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool." |
